Connection

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Red Rock

I was walking with my friend Bob last week out at Red Rock National Park and had a most excellent time. Part of it was being outdoors in a different, but beautiful, part of the country. The best part, though, was the interaction, the conversation, the opportunity to be with a friend and talk about life.

We talked about a lot of things, and I remember telling him that would be my ideal job - getting paid to discuss and talk about the meaning of life. Like Socrates and Plato did, back in the day.

See? Talking with me about the meaning of life would be cool, laid back, we'd use phrases like "back in the day" and keep things hip.

What's that you say? "Back in the day" is no longer hip? The hell you say!

Well, we could discuss stuff like that, too. I'm easy. Besides, just who gets to decide what is hip, anyway?

These are things I wonder, occasionally.

But, I digress...

The point is, I dig conversation. I'm curious. I love finding out what makes people tick, and why. Sometimes these stories shock us, sometimes they sadden us, sometimes they bore us. But when we're honest, when we're vulnerable, when we're real - that's the meat of life. I believe all of us seek these connections.

Their ability to be genuine (in Vegas of all places!) is what I enjoy so much about Bob and Jen. My time with them last week was too short.

Being real is hard to do today.

First of all, everyone's so busy. Who has time to talk about the meaning of life when homework needs to be done, baths need to be run, and work is a 24 hour proposition?

Second of all, how can I find out what really moves you about a movie, a song, a painting, a project, or anything else for that matter, when you're staring into your phone every five minutes? Or, *I* pick up my phone every five minutes, right when you're getting to the good part?

How do we even know what moves us anymore if we can't sit still long enough to think about it - without distraction?

Today, there *is* no life without distraction.

Third of all, and maybe most importantly, nobody wants to be real anymore. Not really, anyway. It’s too hard. It’s too scary. It’s too painful to be real, to be vulnerable, and to have that realness dismissed.

So we connect at arm’s length. 140 characters at a time. Or on FaceBook. Or blogs or email or text or skype or IM or, sheesh, what else is there that I’m forgetting?

And these connections are often just glimpses of the best possible foot we can put forward, without showing that which moors us, as well as that which unhinges us, day in and day out.

But then again, that’s what’s so attractive about social media…because too much of what’s below the surface can be off-putting. We don’t want to be off-put. We want to be entertained, to laugh, to clown…not to be made to think too much or actually, God forbid, have to *do* something.

I think about these things as I walk my trail. I think about my daughter, who’s an only child and is growing up in this age of distraction. She's got lots of cousins, and she's got friends about the same age who live on either side of us. Her days at school are full, and when she comes home and gets homework done, her evenings are, too. More often than not, she plays outside, and I like that because I know the time is coming soon enough that she'll be just like me - in front of the computer all the time. On the phone all the time. On the iPad all the time. In front of the TV all the time. All.The.Time.

This is not an exaggeration. I wish it was.

I'm fortunate that, barring a rare late work appointment,* I get to be with her when she gets home from school. I appreciate the routine we've developed with homework and that, for now, the first thing she wants to do when we get home is for me to swing her on the rope swing that hangs from a tree in the backyard. We've had some amazing talks during those swings. But I worry. I don't think talks stick like modeling does.

I try to get her ready for the truth of life.

"I know, Mom, not everybody's gonna like me."

"I know, Mom, not everybody has two moms and some people might make fun of me for that."

"I know, Mom, not everything in life is going to be easy and I have to be like that sailor who can take the boat in the thunder storm, not just when it’s sunny. I know, Mom. I know!"**

If I've told a story (or a variation thereof) more than twice, it's always, "I know, Mom. I know!"

How can you know, child? You're seven.

All I can do is have faith she’ll figure it out, or will seek to try, every day.***

Maybe in the end the seeking is what it’s all about anyway….

The things I read today that got me thinking about all this were from @_otis_, and Sherry Turkle, and Jim Dougherty, and this Ted Talk video.

***

* Or, ahem, a trip to Vegas, hello parent-of-the-year!

** If any of this made you think of Idgie Threadgoode, we could totally be friends.

*** If any of this is making you think I’m seeking reinforcement for my parenting skills, let me assure you I’m not. I try to be a good parent, but I am far from it. See *, above.

Games

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As I come to the tail end of my twitters and FB sabbatical, I'm finding that some things have changed with respect to my social media diet (and my thoughts on same), but I recognize that my displaced habit simply manifested in new ways.

Namely, I just channeled a lot of energy into Instagram (which was pretty much my only other social media outlet, besides email and blogging). But, life also happened and without constantly looking into my iPhone screen (or laptop or desktop screen), I found I read more, did more, and was present more.

But...the thing is, social media is just part of our landscape today. And I like it. I've made some really good friends via social media and I really wouldn't want to trade that for anything.

Understatement of the year - Twitter is a great source for news. But, it's a constant streaming of "eye-bites" that unless you do a little (or a lot) of digging on your own, can often lead to a really distorted picture of what that piece of "news" is really all about.

One way I've counteracted the loss of Twitter "news" during my day was to subscribe to two newspapers that I now read over breakfast or before going to bed. One is my local paper (the San Antonio Express News) and the other is the New York Times. I'm aware (at least via my folks) of a bias against the Times for being a liberal rag, but I find it excellent. A very wide array of news, entertainment, opinion, that reaches globally. I've enjoyed the heck out of my subscription to date.

I bring up these two reading items to say that one downside I've discovered from my Twitter usage was just that I'd stopped reading as much as I used to, and I hate that. I think there's a lot to be said about the many stories of late that have come out illustrating how much our attention span is impacted by using things like iPads, and iPhones, and other electronic devices to read everything from books, to work documents, to our newspapers. For me, anyway, I do find myself in the middle of a kindle book, or news story, and if I want to look something up, it's just a swipe of the finger to connect me to the internet, which can lead to indiscriminate surfing or gaming, and before I know it, an hour's passed and I haven't returned to the book, or the article, or the whatever.

It's an issue. And apparently, it's changing the way my brain works (and your brain, too!). I'm reading The Shallows: What the Internet is Doing to Our Brains right now, and it's some interesting stuff.

Then, last night, I read this great piece from the Times that realllllly resonated with me. If you've ever found yourself inexplicably drawn for the kajillionth time to a game of Angry Birds or Words with Friends or, my personal favorite, Land Grabbers (don't judge me), it'll probably resonate with you, too. It's called Just One More Game...Angry Birds, Farmville, and Other Hyperaddictive 'Stupid Games'. And, it even has a poker component that I find amusing.

The author, Sam Anderson, makes some great points. One, simply being his description of the iPhone itself: they're "sophisticated game console(s)" that otherwise non-game playing consumers can now carry around and interact with at all hours of the day and night.

Think about people you know on Facebook who you constantly "see" playing Farmville or the Sims. This stuff is addictive, and Anderson tries to find out why.

He writes:

Stupid games, on the other hand, are rarely occasions in themselves. They are designed to push their way through the cracks of other occasions. We play them incidentally, ambivalently, compulsively, almost accidentally. They’re less an activity in our day than a blank space in our day; less a pursuit than a distraction from other pursuits. You glance down to check your calendar and suddenly it’s 40 minutes later and there’s only one level left before you jump to the next stage, so you might as well just launch another bird.

Hmmm. I know the feeling.

The poker component comes in at the tail end of the article, when Anderson spoke to Frank Lantz, the creator of a game (Drop7) that had overtaken Anderson's life. Lantz claimed that poker was the game to which he had the deepest relationship. To him, poker was:

...like a tightrope walk between this transcendently beautiful and cerebral thing that gave you all kinds of opportunities to improve yourself — through study and self-­discipline, making your mind stronger like a muscle — and at the same time it was pure self-destruction. There’s no word for that in English, for a thing that does both of those at the same time. But it’s wonderful.

I can definitely relate to that, too.

Anderson ultimately concludes that 'stupid games' "force us to make a series of interesting choices about what matters, moment to moment, in our lives."

With an iPhone or other mobile device constantly at the ready, it seems to me (from experience) that it's easier than ever to leave 'real life' decisions to later in favor of one more drawing, or one more level, or one more...something in whatever game I find myself then immersed...that, ultimately, really just doesn't matter.

And at what cost? Seems to me that as these devices become more and more prevalent in our society, the people who are better able to compartmentalize and detach will be the purveyors (of what?) to those that can't.

At any rate, just some food for thought. One thing that's been a blast in helping me to 'detach' is my daily trail chronicle, which I've been keeping a record of over on Instagram.

This is from today (I'm never gonna be able to get a job as a camera person in Hollywood, that's fer dang sure. Back story, over the past couple of days, I've come across a nest with chicken-size eggs. Before Tuesday, the nest has always been unattended, and what started out as four eggs, turned into seven. Maybe she's now sitting on babies?):

*** 

There is No Shame in Fandom...is there?

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I woke up this morning listening for the squeals of bikini clad girls and the steady *thump* *thump* *thump* of a DJ's bass before realizing that (a) I could actually breath because second hand smoke wasn't seeping through my a/c unit, (b) my sheets and pillows felt good and smelled even better, and (c) somebody wonderful was sleeping next to me. Ah, the contented stretch of being home, in my own bed.

Of course, that's not to say I didn't have trouble falling asleep last night. You see, I left Vegas on the very day the WSOP Main Event started, the day Doyle Brunson, the Godfather of Poker - who everyone feared wouldn't play the Main this year - kicked things off with the familiar "shuffle up and deal!", and the day 897 people entered to take their shot at the Big One.

And remember, this is only Day One. There will be 4 Day Ones, and 2 Day Twos. If you make it past your starting draw, you still have five long days (12-15 hours each) of poker to navigate before finding yourself part of the lucky few who'll make up this year's November Nine.Yesterday, 560 fortunate players crossed that hurdle and will start again, in four or five days, depending on what Day 2 they drew.

Regardless of whether the numbers are down from last year (which I don't see happening, but we'll see), the field will be massive.  What other sport draws competitive numbers like that? I can't *wait* to see the stories of some new faces...that's always the best part.

I'm also really glad to see some of the changes in the reporting. If you can't be in Vegas but love watching the action, you really need to be checking out ESPN's live streaming coverage (follow @ESPN_Poker for reports and links to same). The reporting is excellent and the commentary is even better, as they're using actual poker pros to discuss hands and strategy and to obtain interviews with the players. It's kind of a 2+2er's dream, imo.

In addition, I really think ESPN scored a coup when they signed Kara Scott, @KaraOTR, to assist, because while she rocks the camera with her looks, that's actually secondary to her ability to speak to the issues, get players to open up (which is a unique skill and talent that you either have or you don't - and she does, in spades), and (more importantly) ask the questions that you find yourself wanting to hear answers to. There's no way all that coverage will end up on TV so don't miss out by skipping the livestreams. I only hope that this won't keep Kara from playing because she's good.

Despite my inability to run deep or cash in anything this year (which I'm bitter about, but starting to deal with), I had an amazing trip. I met everybody I wanted to meet (well, except for @kimshannon, who was too busy killing cash games in AC with @OnAFoldDraw, slackers) and played a ton of poker.

I'm amazed at the people who make up the poker community. Sit down at any table, cash or tournament, and you will find people from every walk of life and from every corner of the world. As someone who loves stories, this is so right up my alley it's not even funny. And part of my problem with playing this game of late is that I find myself focusing more on the people and their stories than my hand and the proper play. There's a time and a place to be that voyeur...trying to actually *win* at poker is not that time.

I also think the trip helped me either get comfortable with, or give myself over to, my total Twitter/poker addiction. I mean, I guess I could try to fight it...but why? It is what it is and so long as I'm not neglecting the really important things in my life, I need to just accept it and quit worrying about what people think about it. Soon as I start trying to censor myself, things get stupid, so what you see is pretty much what you get, folks. I used to joke that Twitter isn't real, but I'm kind of starting to think differently (not that it's a real living thing, but that the connections it brings are or can be).

That said, I was asked about what I get out of Twitter and what is it for me. I don't know that I can really describe it...I believe we're all social creatures. Everyone wants to be loved and validated and appreciated. There are lots of ways we get that in life and real people in your day to day activities are key. Because I work solo, and often all day in my office in front of a computer, Twitter is an immediate social outlet. So that's a big part of it.

And after this trip, I have to say - without Twitter, I never would've met any of the people I met while in Vegas. I mean, come on! Twitter put me in a position to meet Doyle Brunson, @TexDolly. Can you believe that? Honestly, I can't. But it's true. THAT ALONE IS WORTH A KAJILLION BILLION DOLLARS TO ME. (ok...well, maybe not a kajillion, but you know what I mean).

But I also got to meet @WriterJen, @AlCantHang, @WhoJedi, @Maridu, @DMBakes (HELLO!), @KaraOTR, @PokerCurious, @NicolakPoker (I bet you'll like his blog) @3dgar, @JenShahade, @two_isles, @pinkladiespt, and so many other people (from Sweden to England, Mexico to AfriCAH! as PitBull might say). I mean, it's crazy incredible. And I know there's people I'm leaving off (I'm sorry, but I'm totally following you on the Twitters). Now...if I could just meet Ballz from @TheMicros, my life would be complete.

I got on Twitter when I started my own practice. That official "work" Twitter fell quickly to the wayside as soon as I found Daniel Negreanu (the first person I followed on my @PokerLawyer account) and other players online.

So to the question - what are you hoping to get out of Twitter? Nothing...it's given me plenty so far and I don't think I could ask for anything more.

Thanks for making my trip amazing, people. I was only halfway kidding about the "come home with me/live in sin" thing.  If I could get away with it, I'd totally try. ;-)

I hope you won't forget me, Vegas (despite your making me feel like Ben Folds in the video below)...Until I get to see everyone again - safe travels and lots of run good, from me to you.

Social Media and the Sin of Detraction

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I've had more traffic to my blog in the past couple of days as a result of my "Open Letter" to PokerStars that I put on tweet blast last Friday but I think that's finally starting to subside.  For that reason, I wanted to wait a bit before posting again.

How do I know I'm getting less traffic? Because  my comments are drying up (Apparently, comments are a big deal to bloggers.  Just ask @DeputySD. Check out his blog while you're at it, and leave a dadgum comment already!).  I've only been blogging here since June.

Prior to Saturday, I was lucky if I'd get one comment after a post.  Said comment was usually always from my dad and usually always supportive and humorous (to me, anyway) about whatever it was I'd written. After Saturday, and my Open Letter post, that changed.

It would be disingenuous for me to say that when I wrote the post - and then tweeted about it - that I didn't think it would be read.  But, like @Mark_Gahagan, I was surprised at some of the folks who did end up reading it.  Mark has a terrific blog, by the way, which you can find here.

Because of the extra traffic, and the accompanying comments, to my posts, it all really got me to thinking. 

First of all, who the hell am I to go calling out Negreanu for a comment he made about Annie Duke, on or off the record?  Don't I have better things to do with my time and how can I be so presumptious as to speak out on behalf of all women, especially when (as I've learned) the c-word is not offensive to all women?

Good questions, and the short answer(s) is that of course I can't and don't speak for all women and definitely I am no better than Negreanu or anyone else when it comes to sticking my foot in my mouth.  I was just trying to make a point that Mark and Tony G made much better in their blogs - that as one of the biggest ambassadors of poker, Negreanu, whether he likes it, knows it, or not, is in a public position that carries responsibility and people/fans are watching (so don't go giving a beat down on the womens with what some consider to be the gender equivalent of the n-word).  I mean, come on...is poker really a sport and ready for primetime or not?

Second of all, though - and this is the real point of this post - in what way did I aid in "the culture of personal destruction" and commit the "sin of detraction," as one commenter slammed in my face?   Ouch.  While the guy did a nice job of slamming women in general, which I of course disagree with, that comment really got me thinking, having been raised Catholic and all (but this ain't a post about faith/religion).

Just what is twitter and facebook and blogs and all of social media?  Are we all of us so busy shouting into a vast echo chamber, as Leo Laporte suggests (via @nikiblack), that we're missing the point? 

I don't know.  But I do believe that words matter.  I also happen to think that social media is fun and can be  edifying, even if the only people truly listening are your mom and dad.

With that, though, I would like to take the time to apologize - not for my belief in the importance of gender equality - but for my role in all of this.  There's no way to recapture the feathers that have been let loose from the bell tower, but maybe this is a start.

In the meantime, peeps, good luck at the tables.