According to Allan Chalmers,* these are the "grand essentials of happiness."
Um...dude. For real? Howsabout a little cha-ching? Money makes the world go 'round and everybody knows it.
Or...does it?
When you think about your own life and you remember a time that you recall being so happy - why were you so happy? What was going on that made you happy? What were you doing?
The dictionary defines "happy" as:
Feeling or showing pleasure or contentment. Having a sense of confidence in or satisfaction with a person, arrangement, or situation.
"Happiness" is an industry unto itself. People write books about how to achieve it. You can listen to podcasts and TED talks about it. Read blogs about it. You can study it, dissect it, miss it, wish for it, strive for it.
But what is it?
Different for each of us. A journey, not a destination. A mindset. A decision. A choice. A habit.
Or not.
But when you're happy, you know it.**
And when you're not, you know it.
I've been alive a long time (but not long enough, knock wood), and like everyone else, I've had some crazy ups and downs. Days that were a lot worse than others. And days that were so unimaginably awesome that it almost feels unfair.
I'm going to have more of both before all my days are done.
That, in and of itself - for me - makes me so inexplicably happy.
Before 2008, I chased a lot of dollars. Chasing those dollars consisted of a lot of time in offices. Wearing suits and heels, and often hose. And a lot of hairspray and makeup. Talking with people on phones, via email or other correspondence, in meetings around big and expensive conference tables with lots of windows and mahogany and marble and coffee, or in front of judges or juries. It was very (very) rare that these conversations contained much "happiness." Anger, yes. But not much happiness.
Those times were not happy, but they also weren't sad. Drudgery is, I think, a more apt way to describe it.
These days, I wear a suit and heels with a lot of hairspray and makeup maybe once or twice a month. Dude - that's happiness.
I listen to a LOT of music. Happiness.
I sit or walk in a lot of sunshine (and if the sun isn't shining, it doesn't matter - I'm outdoors). Happiness.
I see and talk to my parents, regularly. Happiness.
I push my daughter in a swing and we talk every day. Glorious happiness.
I read and write what I want to read and write, a lot. Freedom. Joy.
I've got a partner who's the best part of everything going. Everything. And, I mean - e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.
And I do all kinds of mundane, necessary things day in and day out. Pay bills, laundry, cook, clean, work, talk to clients, handle research or work issues and try to find solutions. Part of life.
It's easy to throw punches when someone's already down. It's easy to call people names when you know with almost near-certainty they're not going to, or can't, say anything in return. It's easier to point a finger than it is to look in the mirror. KnowImSayn?
I should probably just stop here and link to Jesse May's September 2011 Feel the Shame post, because he, as an insider, says it all so much better. But, I won't, because there are some things I just don't get and, well, yes - it's easy to sit behind a screen and give an opinion that no one gives two shits about.
Also - and let's be clear - I'm not a poker pro and I didn't have anywhere near $35k+ stuck on FullTilt. I did lose money in their tits up fiasco, but I'm just one of thousands of players to which that happened. I guess you could say I'm one of those players all you pros WANT in the online game because, on average, I'm donating money more often than I'm withdrawing it (or I was...). So before you go dogging me for this viewpoint, just recognize that without people like me in the game - all you're doing is shuffling money back and forth between the pros among you.
In reading the back and forth between Matt Glantz, Daniel Negreanu, and Doyle Brunson, I pick up on what I think is a real generational gap between perspectives. But first, let's point out - the only person of these three still wearing a "patch" from/for an online real money poker site is Negreanu.* And while it's certainly fair to say that in the grand scheme of things, PokerStars handled things a kajillion times better than all the rest of the online players, the fact of the matter is that they, too, are still under indictment by the DOJ for their activities in the US pre-Black Friday. Just like American players flocked to FT because of players like Ivey, Durr, and Jesus, they clamored, too, to PokerStars** in part because of players like Negreanu. I know I did.
But back to this generational gap perspective. In Doyle's time out on the road in back alley games, cheats were handled differently than they are today. Poker, and how one made a living at it, was a much different ballgame then than it is today. So while I get Negreanu's anger and his use of language harking back to those old-time methods for handling cheats ("baseball bat to the nuts", etc), it's just rhetoric, because that method cannot fly in today's multi-billion dollar industry. It plays to the justifiably angry masses, but it's just theater and nothing more.
As the epitome of much of what's right in today's industry, after all he's a product of today's game, Negreanu likely gets this better than anyone. Sure, he's the Regent of Real Talk, but he's also an accomplished player and, as he puts it in his most recent vlog, able to cast stones because he is without sin. I hope that will always be the case, but I ain't holding my breath because I'm from Texas and I know it's a long snake that doesn't turn.
A while back, I took Bill Rini to task for his Who's to Blame for Black Friday post, in which he articulately opined that "players, journalists, employees of the poker rooms, site owners, affiliates, regulators, or whatever" (all of us) were to blame because "we didn’t demand better. We didn’t demand more transparency. We didn’t ask the right questions." I argued then that it wasn't fair to lay blame at the players' feet for a multitude of reasons. In looking back, especially in light of these recent questions/vlogs/blogs from Glantz and Doyle and Negreanu, as well as re-reading Rini's post - and May's - I have to say I now think he's right. I think I made some good points, initially, as to why I didn't think it was fair to blame players - and some of that still holds true - but all of Black Friday and the total FT meltdown has disabused me of any future naivete when it comes to online poker. When it comes back around, I'm going to - we're all going to - have to do our homework if we elect to get back into the game.
And that's what irks me about these bat to the balls vlogs from Negreanu, and some of the posts from others, insiders, piling on the bash FT bandwagon. The derision is absolutely warranted, people, I get that 100%.
But what good does it do us AFTER THE FACT to have blogs asking the indicted to answer questions the answers to which would likely be direct admissions against interest, or encourage bats to the balls?
Instead of piling on the rightfully persecuted (and soon to be prosecuted), why not come with some ideas? Some possible solutions?
Here are some for free -
Instead of bitching at the cowards in hiding, why not band together as insiders and pros and players to demand that the prosecutors (the DOJ) start answering some questions? They started this mess. Does the PPA have any leverage or not? Does the poker industry have any lobbyists or not? Do the pros and players have any balls or not?
Which one of you insiders or long-time paid poker bloggers/journalists or paid poker lobbyists or paid PPA members or sponsored poker pros or poker regulators is drafting - right now - the Poker Player's Bill of Rights (akin to the Patient's Bill of Rights) or creating a Player Advocate Foundation for when online poker comes back around (to the US) to ensure that nothing like this ever happens again?
Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?...Bueller?...Bueller?
Aren't these the type of questions we should really be asking?
I'm disgusted. We're all disgusted. But it's too easy to sit back, after the fact, and cast stones and bitch and say woulda coulda shoulda.
It's much harder to actually do something...to come with solutions and ideas that actually create change and/or get something done.
I'm not an insider, and I certainly have no clout, but I'm willing to help and would be glad to work with any other like minded individuals on solutions. But if all you're gonna do is sit there and point fingers, call names, throw stones, or ask for answers to questions that no sane indicted person would ever answer, you're not part of the solution. You're part of the problem.
***
* Glantz appears to be a sponsored player of/for Epic Poker but to my knowledge they are not (currently) an online real money poker site.
** It may well be that when all is said and done that PokerStars walks away from the indictments completely unscathed due to their internal accounting, policies, and procedures. I hope that will be the case
We’re entering a revolution of ideas while producing
a generation that wants instructions instead.
Doing some reading while I'm off the twitters, and came across this great "manifesto" from Seth Godin. It's long, but totally worth your time. Really. Take a look...I think you'll like it.
As a parent of a kid in public school, it's definitely got me thinking. This kid...she's got two parents who love her a lot and who want her to do well, to be happy, to find her passion and stop at nothing to achieve it.
She's 7. She has piano lessons and a skateboard. A bike and two dogs. She takes an art class and plays basketball. She's got opportunities. But what will she do with them? What can she do with them? How do we help her find and nurture her own passion, to love learning for the sake of learning, to dream her own dreams and to desire and develop her own initiative rather than crave (or settle for) instruction? Especially in a world where easy and settling is the status quo.
This "manifesto" makes you think.
You know how when you're actually excited about something, you're leaning forward in your chair, eager to experience more of whatever it is you're experiencing? You go out of your way to learn more about it because it moves you, captivates you, hits all your cylinders? Godin calls that "forward leaning posture" and he believes it's teachable.
Really? Passion is teachable? What a concept.
He also talks about what he calls The Bing Detour, the Bing search engine created by Microsoft and installed as the homepage on most PCs. Turns out, the number one search term on Bing for 2011 was "Google," and then, once the user got to Google, the next most popular search term was "Facebook."
Instead of bookmarking or using the address bar at the top of the browser (or even just outright changing the home page in their settings), Godin says people:
...don’t look for tips or ways to break or open or fix or improve. They self-describe as Dummies and give up, not for lack of genetic smarts, but for lack of initiative and because of an abundance of fear. They weren’t sold on a forward-leaning posture when it comes to technology, so they make no effort, acting out of fear instead of passion. For the rest of their lives.
Ugh...right?
Right now, Godin implies, people don't care, because the don't have to. The way to save the written word, intellectual discourse, and reason is to train kids to care.
So. How do we do that?
Obedience + Competence ≠ Passion
I love this.
Remind me I said this when my kid turns 16 (or 12...whatever).
Y'all, watching the Oscars without Twitter is just...not. the. same.
I figured I'd blog some of what's passing for commentary in my household as this shindig goes down, since I don't know how to just sit and watch TV anymore.
In the audience, our (un)professional commentators (who have no clue I'm blogging their commentary): my girl, my mother-in-law (MIL), two pups, and a wild child on skates whizzing by every now and then.
29:17 - MIL: Oooo, look at Robin Robertson. That dress is pretty. Marianna, you know what she is right?
You mean, Robin Roberts? The reporter?
No, you know.
An athlete?
No!
Oh. You mean you think she's gay?
Si, pero she never talks about a boy, you know.
Oh, ok...
27:ish - Me: Yes, please. More Charlize Theron and Dior. All Charlize, all the time. Love.
Girl: *eyeroll*
13:58 - Commercial...I fear this could be boring. I miss Twitter.
Girl tells MIL about the Ryan/Borat ashes incident. MIL: who's Ryan? Also, did Leonardo come out yet? He always looks ooooooo!
Me: *eyeroll*
9:10 - Natalie Portman. Pretty! MIL - hmmm, she coulda whitened those teeth a little more. Pobrecita.
6:43 - MIL: aye! His hair is all sticking up! Why didn't he brush it! (re: Brian Grazer)
Robin says goodbye - Me: did y'all know that guy Tim Gunn hasn't had sex in like 10 years? MIL - well, I haven't either! It's ok, you know.
Girl: Mother!
Me: omg....
Ok, maybe this wasn't such a good idea.
Live from Hollywood! Here we go.
Girl: Oh look! There's Angelina!
Hmm. I'm pretty sure Morgan Freeman doesn't age. Also - badass.
Wow. Billy Crystal *has* aged.
MIL at Justin Bieber: aaaye! Sammy Davis looks good. (omg)
Me: why is Tom Cruise wearing a wig?
Girl - um...what is this movie supposed to be?
Me: Rio?
MIL: I think he (Bill Crystal) put some hair up there. And some color. The plumped it up so it wouldn't look thin.
Me: well, he is pretty funny. Oh...aaaaand, he's gonna sing. MIL, did you see Tree of Life? MIL: I don't remember. Did it have a black girl who didn't want to be black? Do you mean Imitation of Life?
Me: you mean that movie that came out in the1950s???
Song and dance over...
Girl: what'd you give it?
MIL: it was good!
Girl: meh, it was just the same as he always does. So-so. Not a thumbs up or down. It wasn't that great.Not his best.
Art Direction
Girl: go Italia!
MIL: that dress! (Meryl Streep) Someone needs to teach her how to dress. It's too much all around!
Me: it's Meryl Streep! She could wear a sack and look pretty!
MIL: well, it looks like a sack.
Me: I wish I could look as good. Y'all are mean.
Commercials...
Girl: ok, Ellen is awesome, but a dress? Come on.
MIL: that GCB Dallas show looks so trashy.
Me: I know! I can't wait to watch it.
Back to the show...
MIL in the kitchen: what's with all these candies and cakes? I can't handle this! Marianna, will you make some popcorn?
*side eyes*
MIL: Ghost! Ditto. Jaws! The Godfather! May the Force be with you! ET! Do you know that's his mother?
Me: Billy Crystal's?
Billy Crystal then says she was Reiner's mother...MIL: Ooooooh!
MIL: Cameron Diaz is TALL! She's taller than whatshername! But she's got a figure alright. She's got that butt!
Girl: It's insured, you know.
Me: have you seen any of these movies??
MIL: I want to see Iron Lady.
Diaz and JLo booty shots - yes, take a chance!
MIL - oh, Antonio! Is that his wife? Wow - she looks good. I wish he would take those things off his face (Morgan Freeman).
Me: but then he wouldn't be Morgan Freeman!
Commercials...aaaand back to the Show...
MIL: Sandra Bullock!
Girl: breaks out in applause at the German speaking. Wow!
Me: Pretty.
Foreign Language Films
The Separation - looks good. Let's go see it. But where?? Also, nice reading of speech.
Christian Bale - MIL: oooo, cute.
Best Supporting Actress
MIL: oh, I liked her (Jessica Chastain) Girl: I loved her in that movie!!
Melissa McCarthy - Girl: Oh, I loved her!! Oh she's gonna win. She has to!
McTeer - silence.
Octavia Spencer - MIL: she's gonna win. Girl: she's gonna win. She *has* to win! She did so good in that movie!
And Octavia Spencer takes it. MIL: oh that dress is prolly heavy. Girl: Oooo, Angelina! She looks good. (again)
Sheila E rocking the drums. Go girl.
I'm glad Spencer won, but I was kind of rooting for Melissa McCarthy.
Christopher Guest!!! The best! Love.
Girl: What was that for?
Me: Awesome segment.
Tina Fey rocks anything and everything.
Film Editing - Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
MIL: I think that's the only thing they were nominated for...
Sound Editing - Hugo.
Who was Thelma?
Weird thank you speech, thanking everyone there, not there, born, not born, reborn, etcetera...
Sound Mixing - Hugo
MIL: he's a big guy!
Who's Thelma????
Who was dude in the turban when they panned the audience????
Commercials...
Ellen is really pretty in black and white.
Aaaand back...
MIL: Aye! Miss Piggy!
Cirque d'Soleil or however you spell it...
Did Meryl Streep just give that guy side eyes??
MIL: is that Billy Crystal in the air?!
I like to stand on people's heads at the movies, too. Awesome.
MIL: What if someone falls??
Me: lawsuit.
Ok, Cirque DU Soleil. Cool.
MIL: they're fantastic. I've seen them in Vegas and here.
Girl totally photo bombing Plummer. Heeeeey.
Gwyneth & Downey
Best Documentary - Undefeated. PDiddy's exec produced.
Oooo, I've got some good ones to watch.
Dude got bleeped. What'd he say? Music playing over them...Hmmmm.
Chris Rock...was he happy or mad?
Best Animated Feature Film - Rango. Might've needed to be loaded to really enjoy it, but I dug it.
Girl: Rango??? Uh uh. It beat out Puss n' Boots? No way...
Commercials...can't wait to see Brave.
Aaaaand back to the Show...
Melissa McCarthy is hilarious.
Emma Stone rocks.
This is the best part of the night. She is AWESOME!
Girls rock. Period.
Girl: I think that was funny. She's great.
More girls, please. Or maybe just more Emma Stone, Melissa McCarthy, throw in some Tina Fey. Yes, please.
MIL: she's tall. (Emma Stone)
Visual Effects - Hugo.
MIL: Is that a kids movie?
Girl: We took (daughter), but no, not really.
Hmmm...starting to think Hugo's gonna take Best Picture. Or...maybe they're giving them all these awards so they won't be sad if they lose. I liked the movie, but...not for best picture.
Did that dude come to the show in his pajamas??
Melissa Leo is awesome. She looks great.
Kenneth Branagh is great, but I can't get over that he left Emma Thompson.
Best Supporting Actor - Christopher Plummer.
Very nice speech. And wow, his wife is beautiful. I look forward to watching this movie.
Commercials...pretty sure I'd watch Titanic in 1D.
This is really pretty boring without Twitter...but now that I think about it, maybe the Oscars are not conducive to live tweeting. Or live blogging. Ha!
Aaaand back...That's what everybody's thinking. Played well here. We're easy.
There's a lot of weird feedback from these Oscar mics. Anyone else noticing that?
I can't tell if the audience really thinks Crystal is that funny OR they're just happy Gervais is not hosting.
Crystal is good.
Penelope Cruise - yay!
MIL: she looks like Sofia Loren, when she was young.
Best Original Song - Bret McKenzie, Man or a Muppet.
Wow, way to keep the camera on Jason Segal while the guy fails to mention him.
Commercials...this Hulu commercial is reminding me that I'm doing right now everything I'm not supposed to be doing based on what I'm reading in Lisa Bloom's "Think". I'm a total loser. Total.
Aaaand back...
Girl: If she (Jolie) had played that role (Girl in the Dragon Tattoo), it would've been awesome!!
I like to stand that way (leg severely cocked out dress slit) ALL THE TIME!
And again with the severe leg cock. Go girl.
Adapted Screenplay - The Descendants. With some awesome severe leg cockage. Go girls.
If you haven't seen Margin Call, go see it. It's good.
Original Screenplay - Whatever...Kristin Wiig and her cohort got robbed. (Woody Allen)
Girl: That movie was not good. So wrong...
Commercials...
Don't leave baby photos ON THE PHONE DUDE! Oh wait...the cloud. Magic.
Aaaaand back...
The Bridesmaids' Girls. Wow dick jokes. Ok. Still, girls rock.
Live Action Short Film - The Shore.
How sweet. Father/Daughter.
Rose Byrne is GORGEOUS. Gorgeous. Gorgeous.
Scorsese! Drink! We need to start doing that.
All of these films looked good.
Documentary Feature - Saving Face.
Applause here in our house. But not from Morgan Freeman.
Best Animated Short Film - Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore. Nice hat Elvis Costello. They are down there in New Orleans, y'all.
Coming down to the wire...
Commercials...
I wonder what's going on over on Twitter. =(
Awwwww, sweet baby.
Y'all that GCB show is pretty much Texas. All true.
Aaaand back...
Director - Michele Hazanavicius.
Meryl!!!!! She is sixty three years old you guys!
Sharon Stone crying about Oprah. Hot.
Dude with the turban again!!
Remembrance coming up. MIL is asleep.Girl: Mother, you missed Oprah!! MIL: when does this thing end?? Bring me a blanket.
I need to pee.
And apparently Oprah's gonna be on Jimmy Kimmel. I'll be asleep.
Aaaaand back...
Remembrance. MIL is already crying.
Lord...beauties. Jane Russell.Elizabeth Taylor. Wow.
WHY, WHITNEY! WHY!! =(
Sheeesh, more Commercials...
I'm totally going to start drinking Diet Coke and make some movies. You heard it here first.
Oh, heck yes. I skim the mac and cheese all the time.
Apparently that new Ashley Judd series is one big "Your mother" storyline.
Or not.
Aaaaaand back...
I dig the way they're describing movie making. Soooo drama.
MIL: EeeeHo, George Clooney and his buddy. Who's gonna win?
There are others up!
Whoa. *cute* Frenchman.
Brad Pitt is gorgeous.
Best Actor - Jean Dujardin.
Dude rocked that speech. Mas french por favor.
Waaaay tooooo maaaany commercials...
Why. Am. I. Doing. This. My live blogging really sucks.
Aaaand back...
All these ladies are so awesome. Pretty sure Viola's gonna win.Would be nice.Think this was a very tough category.
I kinda want Colin to just say Lisbeth Salandar over and over.
Meryl. Unreasonably good. She is.
Gosh...they're all awesome.
Best Actress - Meryl Streep.
Wow. Viola didn't win. Tough category.
Really beautiful speech. Who doesn't love her? Still, I hope Viola Davis is not too disappointed. All these actors were great.
Tom Cruise? Really?
Girl: He is totally the sharpest dressed man of the night.
Habit: a settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up.
So, I'm taking a break from Twitter and FaceBook. I debated whether I should also take a break from blogging/blog reading, and all things online, but my self-control only carries so far, people.
There are no grand reasons for the break. No one staged an intervention. The bandwidth police didn't come knocking.
This was a spontaneous, spur of the moment thing, on the eve of Lent.
My reasons for doing it are not really sorted out in my own head, which, when I think about it, means the whole undertaking is completely ill-advised. But...maybe in 40 days I'll have it figured out.
Or not.
At any rate, Spring Break is coming up. And that means - ROAD TRIP!
Like last year, we'll be heading back to Ruidoso, this time with six kids and five moms. Fingers crossed there's snow AND that we avoid the PoPo.
How about you? Any big plans for Spring Break?
I hope ours looks a *lot* like the following video. If I have my way, it totally will.
Lots of interesting stuff made the rounds this week in the poker world.
Of note was this post by poker professional, Jason Somerville (@JasonSomerville), in which he comes out as a gay man. It won’t be the last time in his life that he comes out, but hopefully it will be one of the sweetest.
I was glad to see Jason get a lot of positive feedback to this information, which is as it should be (imo)! The world, it is a-changing, and I think most people understand that being gay is just one of many things that make up the whole of a person. So, good on you, Jason, the courage it takes to be honest and real is an inspiration and admirable.
Hard-Boiled Poker did a nice job of covering the story and reminds us what a discomfiting thing it can be to play poker. Shamus wrote, “it is a most self-conscious thing to play poker.” To play it seriously, we must be willing to think about “(1) who we really are, (2) who we are perceived to be, and (3) the relationship between the reality and the image.” Quoting Anthony Holden, he further shares:
Whether he likes it or not, a man’s character is stripped bare at the poker table; if the other players read him better than he does, he has only himself to blame. Unless he is both able and prepared to see himself as others do, flaws and all, he will be a loser in cards, as in life.
Matt Glantz also laid out some honesty this week in a post from Saturday, in which he calls on FullTilt Poker to do the right thing by players and break what has become a nearly year-long “black hole of silence.” He didn’t sugar coat things:
Your continued public silence is a disgrace. It is not only irresponsible, but also thoughtlessly unfair to the thousands of players who have money tied up in your ongoing debacle….I am embarrassed for you and I am ashamed of you.
Kid Poker brought his own brand of “real talk” to the fray in a video blog in which he also didn’t mince words:
I don’t think I would have any problem with somebody who had $15,000 dollars of their hard earned money on your site come up to you and bash you in the nuts with a baseball bat.
It should be noted, Negreanu seems careful to be sans any patching or sponsorship logos (I can’t tell if his hat has a logo blocked out with tape or if that’s just the hat) and he does clarify:
I’m not gonna personally do it, ok, and I’m not Charles Manson so I’m not gonna be, like, sending messages to people to go “Hmm! That’s a great idea!” If somebody wants to bash you in the nuts for what you did, they’re gonna bash you in the nuts whether I say so or not. And like I said, for me, that’d be ok.
In essence, Glantz and Negreanu are saying the same thing – FullTilt’s silence is despicable. I think Negreanu’s brand of “real talk” gets more play, though, because when people get wronged we automatically want to lash out. And right now, there are a lot of people who’d love to take a baseball bat to FullTilt Poker and all associated with them. We like real talk. We want people to tell us how it really is, because by God we can handle the truth. And besides, there's a huge difference between saying you want to kick someone's nuts in - and actually doing it.
Unfortunately, while bashing somebody in the nuts (or talking about it) might feel good in the moment, it’s not going to bring back the money. Ultimately, all a bashing would do is serve to get the basher a criminal record for assault and battery, a hefty bill for legal fees, and maybe some prison time of his or her own. But, geez...people are crazy, and who knows whether someone will take the bait and apply some knee to the 'nads back alley justice one of these days.
Calling him "the most important voice in poker", Glantz recognizes that the words and actions of poker's top ambassador carry weight, when he tweeted:
But, that's Daniel Negreanu, the royalty of real talk, as we've come to know him and as Somerville coined him in his recent post.
Still, I couldn’t help but be reminded of another high profile person who took some flack for using some questionable rhetoric and propaganda in an altogether different arena. That person was Sarah Palin. And her targets were Democrats. Gabrielle Giffords, who had predicted there could be repercussions for the escalation of violent rhetoric in the media, ended up in the crossfire.
Making the decision to come out publicly, even in a society that is becoming increasingly tolerant and accepting, takes guts. It's real and it's admirable.
Calling a thief a thief, is just the truth (if it is indeed the truth, otherwise, it's just slander).
Rhetoric from high level representatives that encourages people to "reload and take aim" or incites anger or ill-conceived action in some already well-pissed off people is just noise and nonsense, at best, and irresponsible, at worst.
There were some good take-aways in both Glantz and Negreanu's missives. Namely, their speaking up about an injustice that's impacted a lot of people. That's always a good thing. But instead of a bat to the balls, it's Negreanu's other idea that could, perhaps, better (and without physical injury!) convey his disgust.
Concerted shunning is often more powerful than any word or any weapon could ever be.
Ugh. The interwebz. It gives us such an opportunity to make fools of ourselves, doesn't it? And I do it every day. I shudder at the temptations I know my daughter will face in front of that warm, inviting screen. You know, in 30 years or so when she gets her first computer.
She, who is 7, asked me the other day, "Mom, when can I have a cell phone?"
Me, in that mmmm I'm thinking voice said, "when you're thirty."
"Mom-uh! I'm serious-uh! When did you get your first cell phone?"
"Let's see...I think I'd already graduated from college by the time I got my first cell phone, so maybe 22 or 23?" I said, not adding that cell phones as she knew them hadn't even yet been invented.
"Well, can we at least talk about it again when I turn 18?"
"Sure, honey." Of course we can.
We will have this exact same conversation next week.
I'm a skeptic (and I clearly have too much time on my hands. #onlinepokerisstillonhiatuswhat). At any rate, I pulled up the above-linked list of names because I was curious as to whether these tweeters were real people. The laundry can wait. Please don't judge me.
Here's what I found:
Three of the screencaps were from Facebook and so I didn't bother following that trail.
Out of the twenty-two tweeters captured as having said they'd let Chris Brown beat them, six were no longer active. As in, "Sorry, that page doesn't exist!" Or as in (one can hope), "Sorry, my mom (or dad) saw what I tweeted and took my computer away for life after talking with me about what it actually means to be a victim of domestic violence!"
At least one appeared to regret what she'd tweeted:
A couple did not:
And at least one, er...clarified?
All of the girls seem really young (this last one, for example, is 18) and most appear to still be living at home with their parents. One thing was clear: they got a lot of grief for what they tweeted. And some of it was really vitriolic. That makes absolutely no sense to me. You're going to cyber-ly abuse someone for a tweet they made...about abuse?
M'kay.
I'm trying to tread very carefully here because I'm old and what I think is funny and what you think is funny is often just not going to be the same thing. What we might be able to agree on, though, is that there really just aren't very many brilliant 18 year old comics or hilarious jokesabout domestic violence.
I would also wager that none of the screencapped tweeters have had their face smashed in and bloodied at the hands of a boyfriend or their head slammed into the jamb of a door so hard that both it and their head cracks wide open like a watermelon dropped on pavement.
We know that men can be victims of domestic violence. On average, though, more women than men suffer domestic abuse, and younger women in particular (those between the ages of 20-24) are at highest risk of nonfatal intimate partner violence. In fact, 85% of domestic violence victims are women.
One in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime.
Females are most often victimized by someone they know.
Nearly 1/3 of female homicide victims are killed by an intimate partner.
In nearly 80% of intimate partner homicides, no matter which partner is killed, the man physically abused the woman before the murder.
This abuse occurs every day and likely to a woman you know. And it exacts a toll. Monetarily (exceeding $5.8 billion each year (as of 2003)) and in so many other, immeasurable, ways.
I didn't set out writing this post in an effort to jump on the "crucify Chris Brown" train (or any of these young ladies! They're young, cut them some slack?). I recognize we all make mistakes and I believe we can all grow and learn from them (or not, as the case may be).
But I really don't want to see this guy on my television anymore, and I really don't care to hear his music ever again, and I really, really, really hope my daughter never falls in love with a boy (or girl) who'd physically, mentally, or verbally abuse her in any way. She deserves so much better.
We all do.
Contact information for the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233.
If you follow me on twitter, you're in on the joke that is this post's title.*
If you don't, s'ok. You can still probably recognize that, given today's date, I'm talking about "love." Love, love, love, love, crazy love.
I don't know why the world (or maybe just our society) has made the day such a schmaltzy commercialized occasion, but whatever the reason, it can sure lead to a lot of apprehension, guilt, disappointment, and resentment. Which is sad, to me, because none of those things make me think of love.
And, I think about love a lot, not just on Valentine's Day. It's always on my mind. Not (just) because I'm a sap, which I am, but because I think of love as the cornerstone of every good and right thing in life.
I think of what it means to love and to be loved. I talk about it with friends, as we discuss relationships and dating and the highs and lows of life in and out of coupledom. I watch love as it plays out between my parents, who will have been together 45 years in August.
I see love in everything, especially kids. Because before they grow up and get their hearts broken by life, they have nothing but hearts of love.
I heard a story on the news the other day about a child, four years old, beaten so badly her kidneys were shutting down. At Christmas, I visited a shelter where 25 kids were staying because they had no place else to go. I have eyes to read the paper and see the news stories of the pain that goes on every second of every day in every single part of this world.
And everywhere you look and in every set of eyes in which you gaze, you see looking back at you, someone who is hungry for love.
Yes, even that boss who is nothing but the biggest asshole you've ever met in your life. Even the douchebag who cut you off in traffic this morning. Even the brother who never talks to you or your parents anymore unless he needs something. Even the young man who beats a four year old to death in a moment of anger he can never take back.
I know it's a completely rose-colored view of the world that I have. This is my viewpoint, because I've been given so much love in my life and it's what I know. I recognize that I'm fortunate and that this good fortune affords me a viewpoint that may actually be downright stupid and unrealistic (or bleeding heart?).
But my life is not always roses. And, I've had my share of hurts, disappointment, and betrayal. I'm also sad to say that I've been on the giving end of those things, too.
Maybe it is an overly simplistic view of the world. This notion that love solves and cures everything.
But it does. It's the only thing that does.
In all these years of strife and hatred and ugliness that have been roiling around since time immemorial, the simple fact of the matter is that we have not destroyed each other, yet. We keep trying, but every time, the better part of humanity steps up and steps in.
And every day, the better part of you does the same...in every moment that you do something, no matter how small, out of love.
To love. To love. To love.
There is nothing else...
***
* Clearly, I have lost my mind. This is not what I intended to write when I sat down this morning. Hmmm...
Do you remember when you first started playing poker? Maybe you got to sit on your dad's lap around the kitchen table as he penny anted into a family pot. A literal "family" pot because everyone else around the table was actually part of your family.
Or maybe you were in your dorm room playing against your college buddies. Or on lunch break in high school.
Or maybe you didn't pick it up until after the Moneymaker boom and your first foray into the game was online.
Either way, if you're serious about the game - you study, you think about it, you talk hands with friends, you run flips through PokerStove, watch videos, get coaching, and likely track your play through a stat program like PokerTracker or on a yellow legal notepad sitting by your computer or on an iPhone app like PkrCruncher or PokerJournal.
Always looking to improve, right?
Good things, all.
But what about in other parts of your life?
Wouldn't it be great if we also worked as hard on the rest of the pieces of our lives as we do on our game, or our jobs, or our families, as the case may be?
It's easy to overlook the things that are not fun to work on...relationships, our health and basic exercise, the house (and crap like laundry - omg, have you ever noticed it is never ending...it just keeps piling up and no matter how much I like my favorite pair of jeans, I do have to wash them at some point. Not to mention the fleeting freshness that can be wrung from a pair of clean underwear. And don't even get me started on the laundry that piles up when you're responsible for an entire family's worth. Ugh...).
If you want to be good at something - anything - there are certain things that are true. You're going to have to work at it. You're going to have to be committed. You're going to have to make time for it, be dedicated to it, and maintain singular focus. Above all, you're going to have to work. Hard.
And in that process, if you keep to the simple, the basics, the fundamentals, you can, over time, craft something really beautiful. Across the spectrum of individuals working on the same thing, that something beautiful will be as different and as varied as imagination can fathom.
That's what's amazing about dedication to a craft. And it doesn't matter if the "craft" is medicine, art, music, the law, or poker. You spend a lifetime working on it - you're going to make something beautiful.
But, you can't get sidetracked. Disregard the fluff. Avoid the easy and/or the people who only say "yes" or tell you what you want to hear.
Watching the Grammys last night, I couldn't help but wish that someone had told some of that to some of the artists performing (um...Nikki Minaj springs immediately to mind because my brain is forever scarred after seeing that performance. But it could apply equally to Lady Gaga who sat in the audience with some weird fishnet over her face or the gal who showed up as a female cyborg or even Katy Perry and her Russell Brand dissing self).*
In the end, Adele Adkins walked away with a sackful of awards, all (six of six!) of which were bestowed upon her for one really simple, timeless, reason: she's got a true talent in a voice that doesn't need any digital enhancement or weird theatrics to entertain. It's honest, pure, and real.
It doesn't always happen, but sometimes we get lucky and see substance win over form. And that's what happened last night on the Grammys.
Simplicity. Honesty. Realness. These things resonate with us because it's what we want. In our lives, in our relationships, in ourselves.**
When I look at these concepts and then look at today's poker world, I see that the characteristics apply just as equally and simply. The "schtick" that creates a flash of excitement, whether it's branding like being "the brat" or "the kid" or "the magician" or "the mouth" or what have you, only carries you so far. All of those things are good for marketing. But they don't help you win tournaments. (that said, just look at the brat's (Phil Helmuth) results in this last year's series to know that he's definitely committed to working on his game and it showed, didn't it? And with the collapse of UB and lack of patching, there wasn't a lot of grandstanding going on this year...I mean, when I think about it, I didn't see any "brattiness". Instead, his play was textbook substance over form.)
Maybe that's the one true thing we can take from Black Friday. A lack of the ability to profit from anything other than just good solid play is requiring a return to just that...the basics.
And maybe that's a good thing.
Find what resonates with you and stick with it. It will change your life.
***
* I readily admit - I am old.
** Ok, maybe I'm only speaking for myself, but it's my blog so shut it.
