Wednesday, November 16, 2011


Edit 1/7/2012 - Dear visitors from: 
INDIA; and, 
Nine out of ten hits to this page come from your countries. Instead of searching the web for things like "SEX" you could try banning Burkas and valuing your women a little more. Just a thought.  

Now back to the original post:

The other day, while I should have been stringing words together and increasing my NaNoWriMo word count, I was surfing the internet. Without purpose, mindlessly checking out my Twitter feed, looking at Brandi Carlile YouTube videos, drifting and wasting time. I still haven't come to the end of the internet, even though I did run into this (thanks to @SusanMoon).

During this extended writer-malaise, I finished Caitlin Moran's funny and thought-provoking book, How to Be a Woman, courtesy a fine recommendation from @KaraOTR.

In it, Moran opens up a great "Pandora's Box of Minge," sounding off on wabs, and lesbian vampire dogs, and lap-dancing, and children (or not), and so much more. This is not a book to be read at night, in bed, while your love tries to sleep next to you. Unless you, unlike me, can withstand guilt-free the exhausted one-eyed dagger stare sigh-turn-rollover because - for the third time in fifteen minutes - you have startled the dog and shaken the bed trying to stifle your laughter with a pillow. I am incapable of the silent, motionless inner guffaw; and, hence, will never be mistaken for this woman (h/t @JenShahade).

During a break from Moran's book, I came across an interesting thread on 2+2's That's What She Said, in which the question was raised: "which woman best/worst represents the poker world?" There are some terrific people who participate in this forum and some great responses came out of this discussion. An array of viewpoints was shared on what makes a good representative - skill, contacts in the industry, personality, and *sigh* looks.

Familiar names were raised - Duke, Scott, Gazes, Selbst, Ho, Boeree, Harman, Johnson, Enright, Obrestad, Coren, Tilly, Liebert, Rousso - and some interesting exchanges, particularly about Selbst, came to light. More on that later.

Yesterday, I came across a blog post by Lee Davy (@Chingster23) in which some similar issues were raised. I initially balked when I read his statement that "there are no threads on the poker forum asking who the greatest female poker players are," but he's focusing on The Hendon Mob forum and not "forums" in general. I balked because over at TWSS, some of the greatest female players are posting AND discussing this very question. Also, we know it's only a matter of time.

Sadly, the gist of Davy's post is this: "if you are a woman, the beautiful face and a great figure will give you the edge over an average looking girl with a brain the size of Stephen Hawking" because nobody cares who the greatest female player is, "[a]ll the poker industry is interested in is if they fall into the "will" or "will not" category."

I really tried to give the benefit of the doubt here...maybe the question pertains to "will or will not" win a major. Or get a sponsorship. Or....oh, who am I kidding. You know as well as I do what the question really asks.*

Back to Selbst...

After reading Davy's post and re-reading the TWSS thread, I realize I made a mistake in my comments regarding Selbst. My mistake was I opined that Selbst is the best female representative of the poker world because of her results and her ability, but she is inappropriately hindered because people are idiots and freaked out by the fact that she does not fit society's standard wrt looks and the traditional female (whatever that is).

I was trying to make a point about the belief I (and apparently Davy and a lot of other people) have about the world. Conforming to society's standards for attractiveness matters. Disproportionately, however, that requirement weighs heaviest on women. We have to look equally good in a bikini, in the buff, in the office, in the kitchen, at the poker table, pretty much everywhere. Because, after all, it's not how good we are in the office or the kitchen or at the poker table, it's whether we "will" or "will not".

Think of Ginger Rogers if it helps - everything you fellas do, we (more often than not) do backwards...and in high heels.**

I love a good spread as much as the next person. Honestly, I do. But seriously, until I get to see some caffeinated meat-stick*** a la Patrik Antonius or Doyle Brunson or Christian Charder or Shaun Deeb or Daniel Negreanu or Scotty Nguyen or Tony Guoga or David Peat or Mike Matusow or Phil Hellmuth or Dennis Philips or Greg Raymer or Jamie Gold or Ben Lamb or Pius Heinz in PokerBoy, we really need to say bollocks to this notion that "women in the game, while also seeking those same laurels (needing to win EPT's, WPT's and WSOP bracelets in order to be ranked as a true great) will also be equally as aware that if their skills desert them that they can rely on their sexual attractiveness to help push them along."****

Moran truly said it best:
I have a rule of thumb that allows me to judge - when time is pressing, and one needs to make a snap judgment - whether some sexist bullshit is afoot. And it's asking this question:
'Are the men doing it? Are the men worrying about this as well? Is this taking up the men's time? Are the men told not to do this, as it's 'letting the side down'? Are the men having to write bloody books about this exasperating, retarded, time-wasting bullshit? Is this making [Daniel Negreanu*] insecure?'
Almost always, the answer is: 'No. The boys are not being told they have to be a certain way. They're just getting on with stuff.'

Hear, hear.

* I'm not implying these are Davy's personal views and this is not a judgment of him or his post. He's a savvy and creative writer I enjoy reading. Also, I could be wrong as to what the question is asking. I am not the sharpest tool in the shed.

** Bob Thaves quote about Fred Astaire: "Sure he was great, but don't forget Ginger Rogers did everything he did backwards...and in high heels."

*** I have no idea what a caffeinated meat-stick is, I just think it sounds hilarious.

**** Another quote from Davy's article.

***** This name/player is obviously interchangeable and dependent on your proclivities. Also, stop cringing.


  1. All I can say is, that was ONE HAPPY BRAIN...Mine started turning yellow, just watching it...

  2. So...we learn from this that you're a screamer? What do the neighbors think?!

    BTW, what is the connection between the ad for Schrader valves and this post? I feel like I'm missing something.

    (Do you even know what Schrader valves are, without looking it up? If not, hint: You probably have 5 of them in your car, one of which is in the trunk.)

  3. Come on all ties in together...for example the oh so subtle title of this post. With added "xx"-es for the titillating extra effect...of...well...sexuosity.

    Couple that with the lovely lass wearing a slinky negligée and signifying....well, what else? Sex sells. Even in olden times. And even for things as mundane as the caps that go on the top of each air valve on your car tires. You know...Schrader Universal Valve Caps. In handy metal boxes.

    I'm glad to know that the two people who actually read this piece were so moved by my prose that their big take-away is the female brain having an orgasm.

    My. Life's. Work. Is. Done.



    (didn't have to look it up...but only because your clues gave it away! Hee hee)


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