- Walk room to room with pinched "wtf is that smell" grimace, as you seek out source of rotgut odor worse than anything used for bait while fishing last week.
- Determine that your mind is playing tricks on you and take a nap.
- Wake up to fly continuously buzzing around your head. Joined intermittently by two large friends.
- Take out trash and disinfect receptacle.
- Wash face and brush teeth. Again. Consider taking a shower but resist urge.
- Finish unloading suitcases and return them to their usual resting place, the garage.
- Fall to knees upon opening garage door for first time since returning from holiday.
- Peer at freezer and verify that, yes, it is plugged in.
- Identify that, indeed, odor is stronger the closer you get to freezer.
- Touch freezer and ascertain no noticeable hum of activity. From either electric current or imagined hordes of black flies nesting inside.
- Stand up straight and at arm's length from freezer. Arch back and neck as far from freezer door as you can. Use one fingertip and open freezer door.
- Let out noise you've never heard yourself utter as you buckle/trip/run back to opened garage door.
- Take deep breath only to realize you can still smell the freezer.
- Run to front yard and grimace at the sky, as you take in and savor deep gulps of fresh air.
- Recognize you can't leave this for another minute. And cry a little.
- Get tools (see below).
- Open other garage door and garage window.
- Yell at daughter to close door to kitchen and to STAY INSIDE. See from her face she thinks a serial killer is in garage.
- Pray to GOD there is nothing alive in freezer.
- Get to work. And cry a little.
- Regret not cooking out before leaving on holiday and wonder if you'll ever be hungry again.
- Run/walk from freezer to fence after every successful exchange from freezer to trashcan, exhaling as you go. Curse self for lack of breath control.
- Clorox entire garage floor and hope your nose hairs grow back.
- Shower.
- Sweep kitchen floor and double check kitchen fridge.
- Shower again. This time as Karen Silkwood.
- Light shitload of candles.
- Google Vegan Starter Kit.
- See edamame.
- Think sushi.
- Order take-out.
Oh well...I was only able to get 7 pics. And I had to disinfect my phone:
 |
| The offending target |
 | |
| Even Rocco would not enter garage |
 |
| Dude. That stuff is floating. In its own melted week-old marinade. |
My tools:
Finally got that sucker unloaded and away from the house. Am finally breathing a little easier. It helped that I stuck a lit match in each nostril.
